Children First Family Law - Transforming how families navigate the challenging landscape of divorce.

029: Healing the Hurt: Supporting Kids & Co-Parents Through Divorce with Mental Health Professional Lauren Blake

Divorce brings many challenges to families going through a divorce, and involving a mental health professional can make all the difference in their outcomes on the other side of the divorce.
On this episode of Children First Family Law, Krista sits down with Lauren Blake, owner and founder of Michigan-based Blake Family Consulting. Lauren is a licensed marriage and family therapist with a decade of experience working in family law with highly litigious families. Her practice focuses on providing trauma-informed collaborative care to high-conflict families.
Krista and Lauren start their conversation by exploring Lauren’s career path from family law paralegal to a mental health provider. Lauren outlines the mental health challenges that often accompany divorce, the overuse of terminology like “parental alienation,” and Lauren’s childhood experience with alienation and divorce. She shares the therapeutic resources now available to families, what divorcing couples need to know about the role of attorneys, and why these couples should consider individual therapy as well as co-parenting therapy. You’ll hear how anticipatory anxiety can impact kids required to see the disfavored parent, when “no contact” with a parent is necessary, and the various roles outside of mental health professional Lauren often takes on.
Lauren Blake is uniquely positioned to understand the needs of both children and adults in high-conflict divorce situations, and she shares her tips for successfully navigating them.
In this episode, you will hear:
Lauren Blake’s journey from family law paralegal to mental health provider
The mental health challenges that often accompany divorce
The nuances surrounding “parental alienation”
Lauren’s personal story of alienation, including not knowing her father and the dynamics of her parents’ divorce
How she uses her personal story to help others going through divorce
Signs of parental alienation
Therapeutic resources available today that didn’t exist when Lauren navigated her parents’ divorce
How therapists can, and often should, testify in parental alienation cases
What couples considering divorce should know about the role of attorneys
The importance of “uncoupling” to be good co-parents
Why divorcing parents should consider both individual therapy and co-parenting therapy
The challenge of anticipatory anxiety for children seeing the disfavored parents
When “no contact” is warranted, including child abuse or sexual abuse
Pacing therapy well and not rushing kids, but knowing when a push is necessary
The role of attorneys in speaking truth to their clients
Various other roles Lauren sometimes takes on, including Guardian ad Litem
Re-establishing relationships post-divorce and how to frame therapy correctly for the best success
Resources from this Episode
www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com
www.blakefamilyconsulting.com
All states have different laws; be sure you are checking out your state laws specifically surrounding divorce. Krista is a licensed attorney in Colorado and Wyoming but is not providing through this podcast legal advice. Please be sure to seek independent legal counsel in your area for your specific situation. 
Follow and Review:
We’d love for you to follow us if you haven’t yet. Click that purple '+' in the top right corner of your Apple Podcasts app. We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.
Episode Credits
If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

028: DefuseDivorce and Keeping Kids Out of the Middle with author Dr. Benjamin Garber, PhD

Keeping children’s best interests at the forefront in family courts should be a common goal, but unfortunately, they are often caught in litigious battles. Understanding the processes behind court proceedings can often smooth out the rough edges, and today’s guest specializes in advocating for kids and serving their needs.
 
On this episode of Children First Family Law, Krista welcomes Dr. Ben Garber, a superstar in the family law landscape around the globe. Based in New Hampshire, Dr. Garber is a licensed psychologist with decades of experience understanding and serving the needs of children, including authoring ten books on subjects in child and family development, divorce, and family law. He also handles various forensic evaluation roles, consultation, and expert testimony. First and foremost, Dr. Garber is a children’s advocate as a clinician, consulting expert, writer, and speaker. He is active in family law organizations throughout New England and the United States.
 
Krista and Dr. Garber begin their conversation by exploring Dr. Garber’s extensive body of work, including ten books. He shares the winding road he took to land in the family law niche and why it’s been so rewarding. You’ll hear how the dynamics of high-conflict families impact children, the benefits of a divorce without creating more harm to the children, and some examples of the solutions Dr. Garber’s site, DefuseDivorce.com, offers for parents and professionals. Dr. Garber outlines why “advance orientation” in a divorce scenario can improve outcomes for families, how parental anxiety hurts kids, and why information is the antidote to anxiety. Dr. Garber and Krista share some video clips from DefuseDivorce.com, and finally, they explain why consistency and being an anchor for your kids can create good outcomes for your children in a divorce.
 
Divorce is complex, and kids often get caught in the middle, but understanding the ins and outs of the process can help reduce anxiety on all sides. Don’t miss Dr. Ben Garber’s expert advice on handling divorce while keeping kids’ best interests at the forefront.
 
In this episode, you will hear:
Dr. Garber’s vast body of work, including ten books
Why Dr. Garber chose this particular career path
The dynamics of high-conflict families and how they impact children
Divorce can be done without so much harm to kids
DefuseDivorce.com solutions for parents and professionals, 
How “advance orientation” improves outcomes for families
Parents’ anxiety hurts children, and the antidote to anxiety is information
Examples of resources from DefuseDivorce.com: resist-refuse dynamics; orientation to parenting plan evaluations; how to produce a parenting plan
Consistency is key – being an anchor for kids – to have good outcomes for children in divorce
Resources from this Episode
www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com
Mending Fences: A Collaborative, Cognitive-Behavioral Reunification Protocol Serving the Best Interests of the Post-Divorce, Polarized Child: https://a.co/d/hfKNEl3
Holding Tight-Letting Go: Raising Healthy Kids in AnxiousTimes: https://a.co/d/5XXmYBs
The Family Law Professional's Field Guide to High-Conflict Litigation: Dynamics, Not Diagnoses: https://a.co/d/elmm71x
Keeping Kids Out of the Middle: Child-Centered Parenting in the Midst of Conflict, Separation, and Divorce: https://a.co/d/4OBxU6m
The Healthy Parent's ABC's: Healthy Parenting Made Clear and Easy-to-Read: https://a.co/d/hMKHhXP
Taming the Beast Within: Managing Anger in Ourselves and Our Children Through Divorce (Healthy Parenting): https://a.co/d/j6irF4D
The Roadmap to the Parenting Plan Worksheet: Putting Parenting Priorities in the Context of Research, Theory and Case Law: https://a.co/d/fbYB6PG
Caught in the Middle: A Letter to My Divorced Parents (Healthy Parenting, 2): https://a.co/d/3g3p2pv
Developmental Psychology for Family Law Professionals: Theory, Application and the Best Interests of the Child: https://a.co/d/6vzqPgS
Twisted Allies: https://a.co/d/2DKVTbg
All states have different laws; be sure you are checking out your state laws specifically surrounding divorce. Krista is a licensed attorney in Colorado and Wyoming but is not providing through this podcast legal advice. Please be sure to seek independent legal counsel in your area for your specific situation. 
Follow and Review:
We’d love for you to follow us if you haven’t yet. Click that purple '+' in the top right corner of your Apple Podcasts app. We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.
Episode Credits
If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

027: Settling For Success: Resolving Disputes with Wisdom from the Honorable Michael Hegarty

Dispute resolution is a talent, and those gifted with this talent are adept at reaching out to both parties during conflict resolution to reach an acceptable conclusion.
On this episode of Children First Family Law, Krista welcomes the Honorable Michael E. Hegarty, long-time attorney, litigator, and a retired federal judge from the U.S. District Court for the District of Colorado. Judge Hegarty served 19 years on the bench before retiring in January 2025. He now does private mediation/arbitration through JAMS, the world’s largest private alternative dispute resolution provider. Judge Hegarty was Krista’s first boss following law school; she served full-time as his law clerk, working alongside him, and learning the art of alternative dispute resolution (“ADR”).  In the magistrate judge role, Judge Hegarty had the unique authority at U.S. District Court to lead more than 1,00 settlement conferences, resolving almost all of them, including high-profile cases such as one of the civil cases of the Aurora “Batman” movie theater massacre.
Krista and Judge Hegarty explore his entry into the legal field at an international law firm, his rise to chief of the civil division at the U.S. Attorney’s Office, and his appointment to the bench as a federal magistrate judge. Judge Hegarty recently retired and shares his new role as a dispute resolution provider with JAMS, his reflections on why he has so much success at ADR, and his insights into the power of settlement to create better solutions for families. Krista and Judge Hegarty share some stories of peaceful resolutions in actual cases, how brokered agreements can lead to solutions unavailable in courts, and why the need for ongoing relationships in divorce cases requires careful handling
Judge Hegarty’s long record of successful dispute resolution is impressive, and his strategies for ADR can help attorneys and families find common ground that leads to resolutions that are best for children and their parents.
In this episode, you will hear:
Krista’s work with Judge Hegarty as first his intern and later his law clerk at the U.S. District Court as her first job out of law school
Judge Hegarty’s background from working at an international law firm to rising to chief of the civil division at the U.S. Attorney’s Office and then to his appointment to the bench for years of service as a judge
Judge Hegarty’s recent retirement and new role at JAMS, the world’s largest private alternative dispute resolution (ADR) provider where many of the best judges go to continue to help resolve conflict for parties after retirement from the bench
His reflections on why he has such success at ADR, what approaches work best, and how relational attunement can lead to agreements
Judge Hegarty’s insights as to how settlement often has the power to create better solutions for families
Judge Hegarty mediated the civil settlements in the Aurora theater shooting case, with Krista assisting as his law clerk in resolving claims and providing closure to victims' families.
How brokered agreements leave outcomes in the hands of parties and offer solutions not available in court, such as apologies and other non-monetary wins
ADR’s benefits for people divorcing so that ongoing coparenting relationships can be preserved
Attorneys’ obligation to advocate for their clients as well as families
Resources from this Episode
www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com
https://www.jamsadr.com/hegarty/
All states have different laws; be sure you are checking out your state laws specifically surrounding divorce. Krista is a licensed attorney in Colorado and Wyoming but is not providing through this podcast legal advice. Please be sure to seek independent legal counsel in your area for your specific situation. 
Follow and Review:
We’d love for you to follow us if you haven’t yet. Click that purple '+' in the top right corner of your Apple Podcasts app. We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.
Episode Credits
If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

026: Science-Based Solutions For Co-Parenting Through Divorce with Dr. Karey O'Hara

Science offers us some intriguing perspectives on divorce’s impact on children. Today’s guest is using science to better understand and support parents and kids through the complexities of the experiences of loss.
 
On this episode of Children First Family Law, Krista welcomes Dr. Karey O’Hara, a psychologist and assistant research professor at Arizona State University with a focus on navigating the intersection between family law and psychology. Dr. O’Hara’s work mainly focuses on how parents and children cope and adapt when exposed to significant disruptions like death and divorce. She is studying the science of how to evaluate and gauge this impact and provide solutions that can be put into practice. Dr. O’Hara’s research is always paired with active collaboration with courts or other community programs to ensure her research is tested and disseminated to real people to create real change for parents and kids. She has much to teach us in the area of risk and resilience factors associated with children’s coping and adjustment following divorce, informing family court policy, and improving interventions to promote the well-being of court-involved families.
 
During Krista’s conversation with Dr. O’Hara, you’ll hear about parents’ powerful influence on their children, why it is critical to validate emotions during a divorce process, and the impact high-quality parenting – including love – can have on children’s outcomes. Dr. O’Hara shares the three components of high-quality parenting, what science can teach us about interventions in the real world to help children fare better in divorce, and her research program that provides insight into understanding behavior and emotion under stress. She outlines her work in programs for parents and kids, including Project Brain Team, which promotes mental health and coping strategies and skills in divorce. Finally, Krista and Dr. O’Hara discuss lessons from science about the human and emotional experience of divorce and co-parenting dynamics and their influence on children. They share why there is hope for kids even after divorce and that those outcomes are in the hands of their parents.
 
Divorce is often complicated and messy, and handling those emotions can be difficult for everyone involved. However, Dr. O’Hara’s research reinforces that finding solutions that work for everyone is possible and offers some tips for reducing the tension.
 
In this episode, you will hear:
 
Dr. Karey O’Hara’s path to her work in family law and clinical psychology focused on children and families
The powerful influence parents have on their children
The risk of labels like “parental alienation” and their limited helpfulness for parents and children
Validating someone’s emotions, which can bring down the emotional temperature
Protective factors of parents in helping themselves and their children deal with stress
The impact of high-quality parenting (including love) on children’s outcomes
How high-quality parenting includes love, appropriate limits, and discipline
Risk factors for children and parents under stress
What science can teach us about interventions in the real world to help children fare better in divorce
Dr. O’Hara’s research program insights into understanding behavior and emotion under stress and then translating that science into ways to deliver real solutions to actual people
Her work in programs for parents and kids, including Project Brain Team, promoting  mental health and coping strategies and skills in divorce
Lessons from science about the human, emotional experience of divorce and co-parenting dynamics and their influence on children
Why there can be hope for children even after divorce
The power of outcomes for kids is in the hands of their parents
Resources from this Episode
www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com
Dr. Karey O’Hara: search.asu.edu/profile/3192762
Project Brain Team: sites.google.com/asu.edu/asu-projectbrainteam?usp=sharing
Patterns of intimate partner violence in a large, epidemiological sample of divorcing couples.
Coping in context: The effects of long-term relations between interparental conflict and coping on the development of child psychopathology following parental divorce
Does Shared Parenting Help or Hurt Children in High-Conflict Divorced Families?: Journal of Divorce & Remarriage: Vol 59, No 4
Validation of a Measure of Intimate Partner Abuse With Couples Participating in Divorce Mediation: Journal of Divorce & Remarriage: Vol 50, No 5
Adolescent-to-Parent Violence: Translating Research into Effective Practice | Adolescent Research Review
Parenting time, parenting quality, interparental conflict, and mental health problems of children in high-conflict divorce.
Psychological and Biological Processes in Children Associated with High Conflict Parental Divorce - Davidson - 2014 - Juvenile and Family Court Journal - Wiley Online Library
Evaluating Parenting Coordination Programs: Encouraging Results From Pilot Testing a Research Methodology: Journal of Child Custody: Vol 8, No 4
Longitudinal Effects of PostDivorce Interparental Conflict on Children’s Mental Health Problems Through Fear of Abandonment: Does Parenting Quality Play a Buffering Role? - O’Hara - 2021 - Child Development - Wiley Online Library
Contact With an Ex-Partner Is Associated With Psychological Distress After Marital Separation - Karey L. O’Hara, Austin M. Grinberg, Allison M. Tackman, Matthias R. Mehl, David A. Sbarra, 2020
Multidisciplinary partnership: Targeting aggression and mental health problems of adolescents in detention.
Human-centered design methods to achieve preparation phase goals in the multiphase optimization strategy framework - Karey L. O’Hara, Lindsey M. Knowles, Kate Guastaferro, Aaron R. Lyon, 2022
Understanding the perception of stakeholders in reducing adolescent-to-parent violence/aggression - ScienceDirect
The Development, Evaluation, and Implementation of Parenting‐Focused Prevention Programs in Collaboration with Family Court - O'Hara - 2021 - Family Court Review - Wiley Online Library
Measurement invariance across sexes in intimate partner abuse research.
Self-Compassion for Caregivers of Children in Parentally Bereaved Families: A Theoretical Model and Intervention Example | Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review
Enhancing the Focus: How Does Parental Incarceration Fit into the Overall Picture of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and Positive Childhood Experiences (PCEs)? | Research on Child and Adolescent Psychopathology
The Prospective Effects of Caregiver Parenting on Behavioral Health Outcomes for Children with Incarcerated Parents: a Family Resilience Perspective | Prevention Science
Interparental conflict and adolescent emotional security across family structures - O'Hara - 2024 - Family Process - Wiley Online Library
Enhancing daily affect in youth experiencing high‐conflict parental divorce: A multiple baseline trial of an online prevention program - O′Hara - 2022 - Family Court Review - Wiley Online Library
All states have different laws; be sure you are checking out your state laws specifically surrounding divorce. Krista is a licensed attorney in Colorado and Wyoming but is not providing through this podcast legal advice. Please be sure to seek independent legal counsel in your area for your specific situation. 
Follow and Review:
We’d love for you to follow us if you haven’t yet. Click that purple '+' in the top right corner of your Apple Podcasts app. We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.
Episode Credits
If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

025: “Family” Restructuring Post-Divorce with Dr. Premela Deck

When a divorce or separation occurs, despite the complicated emotions that accompany it, a family remains a family.
 
On this episode of Children First Family Law, Krista sits down with Dr. Premela Deck, a Boston-area family law attorney and forensic social worker with a Ph.D. in her field who is creating innovative solutions to integrate law and social work to help children and parents navigate conflict amid family law disputes. As an attorney, Dr. Deck is a family law litigator, mediator, parenting coordinator, and guardian ad litem. As a mental health professional, she primarily serves as a custody evaluator, parenting coach, and therapist for high-conflict families, couples, or individuals caught up in family situations. She also has a unique practice that allows for deep coparenting and therapeutic intervention to help improve outcomes for kids and parents going through divorce.
 
During their conversation, Krista and Dr. Deck explore the important work Dr. Deck is doing in her practice. She shares what her early work for the city of Boston taught her about mental health considerations in court settings, leading her into social work/law integration. You’ll hear the unwillingness professionals often have to work in forensic mental health and the difficulties faced when trying to limit therapeutic options to those covered by health insurance as they require a diagnosis that often is not possible or warranted.. Dr. Deck explains the difference in language attorneys and mental health professionals use and the importance of bridging that gap for families. You’ll hear about therapeutic jurisprudence and reforming the law based on understanding mental health, Dr. Deck’s unique practice of blending law and mental health resources, and the nationally available programs she uses to help with high-conflict co-parenting. Finally, Krista and Dr. Deck discuss building a foundation of respect between co-parents, the nuanced approach Dr. Deck recommends for parent-child contact problems, and the importance of handling conflict in a healthy way for the benefit of children.
 
Creating a healthy co-parenting dynamic is possible, but it requires work from both parties. Dr. Premela Deck lays out her unique methodology to help parents find common ground for the benefit of their children.
 
In this episode, you will hear:
 
Dr. Premela Deck’s law and social work background and how she ultimately pulled the two disciplines together with her Ph.D. and now with her unique practice with options available across state lines
The need for mental health considerations in family court, similar to what Dr. Deck saw in her early work condemning homes of hoarders
Realizing these legal challenges need delicate care that considers the mental health of individuals, leading her into social work/law integration
The serious challenge of so few mental health professionals going into the area of helping families embroiled in family court conflict
The limitations of seeking only  insurance-covered mental health options in family law dynamics
Language differences between attorneys and mental health professionals and the need for a bridge between disciplines to help families
The concept of therapeutic jurisprudence and reforming the law by understanding mental health
Dr. Deck’s unique practice that blends law and mental health resources, including multi-faceted family therapy, group and private parent coaching, and co-parenting restructuring
Nationally available programs offered by Dr. Deck to help with high-conflict coparenting
The importance of a foundation of respect when parents begin this therapeutic work
Taking a nuanced approach to parent-child contact problems and Dr. Deck’s steps for this process
Dr. Deck’s model for this type of practice
The risk to children when parents fight and have poor co-parenting dynamics
Handling conflict in a healthy manner for the benefit of the children
Grasping that there is a duality in cases and ensuring goals are working in tandem
Dr. Deck’s postdoc program with a focus on family law dynamics, which is the only one of its kind in the country
 
Resources from this Episode
sdfsmass.com
sdfsmass.com/blog
www.premeladeck.com
www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com
All states have different laws; be sure you are checking out your state laws specifically surrounding divorce. Krista is a licensed attorney in Colorado and Wyoming but is not providing through this podcast legal advice. Please be sure to seek independent legal counsel in your area for your specific situation. 
Follow and Review:
We’d love for you to follow us if you haven’t yet. Click that purple '+' in the top right corner of your Apple Podcasts app. We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.
Episode Credits
If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

024: The Benefits of Full-Service Amicable Uncontested Divorce Mediation. How to Save Money, Reduce Stress, and Prioritize Your Family’s Emotional Health During Divorce

It’s no secret that separations and divorces can be stressful, costly, and emotionally exhausting, and finding a solution that works for both parties involved and the children can feel impossible.
On this episode of Children First Family Law, Krista outlines the options available to those seeking a divorce or separation, particularly in Colorado. The choices individuals make in this situation have implications, and Krista shares the potential pitfalls and considerations of each one. These options include handling the separation or divorce without an attorney, hiring an attorney (or two–one for each party), coaching services, mediation, and arbitration. She explains each one’s advantages and disadvantages. Krista offers a unique final solution she developed called an Amicable Uncontested Divorce Solution, in which she works with both co-parents to create customized solutions for their particular scenario. Finally, Krista shares the importance of preserving the co-parenting dynamic to reduce trauma for the involved children. She reveals the 13 steps she uses to determine if a potential client is a good candidate for this solution.
There is a path to a more peaceful separation of co-parents than attorneys on both sides ready for war. Krista’s Amicable Uncontested Divorce Solutions offer the answer you’ve been searching for.
In this episode, you will hear:
The implications of the choices the involved parties make during a divorce or legal separation
Handling a separation or divorce in Colorado without an attorney and potential pitfalls and considerations
Hiring an attorney to handle your case, what to be aware of as you research who to hire, and when you can use one attorney versus two
The importance of prioritizing children during separation—and why many attorneys fail to do so
Investing in a coaching service and key factors to consider when evaluating your options
Krista’s tips for evaluating a mediator to handle a divorce or separation
The pitfalls of mediation and how it can derail a case.
Arbitration’s advantages and disadvantages as an option for handling a divorce or separation
Amicable, Uncontested Divorce Solutions at Children First Family Law tailors benefits for both co-parents seeking customized resolutions.
Minimizing trauma for children while preserving a healthy co-parenting dynamic.
Krista’s 13-step approach to achieving an amicable, uncontested divorce.
Resources from this Episode
www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com
All states have different laws; be sure you are checking out your state laws specifically surrounding divorce. Krista is a licensed attorney in Colorado and Wyoming but is not providing through this podcast legal advice. Please be sure to seek independent legal counsel in your area for your specific situation. 
Follow and Review:
We’d love for you to follow us if you haven’t yet. Click that purple '+' in the top right corner of your Apple Podcasts app. We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.
Episode Credits
If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

023: Addiction Expert Insights: Handling Substance Misuse in Family Law

Substance misuse and abuse is a complex topic, especially in a divorce situation in which children are involved. Today’s guest helps to unravel complexities surrounding addiction issues to help families navigate these complex situations while keeping children’s well-being at the forefront.
 
On this episode of Children First Family Law, Krista sits down with Lorraine Bockman, a licensed clinical social worker and addiction counselor who has worked in the mental health and addiction field for more than 30 years. Lorraine works in private practice in the Denver area, is recognized as a Master Addiction Counselor (MAC) with the National Association of Addiction Counselors (NAAC), and is part of the Association for Addiction Professionals. She has served as a program director, manager, staff developer, and clinician in public and private institutions and has specialized training as a telemental health therapist, interventionist, expert witness, and substance abuse professional.
 
Krista’s conversation with Lorraine covers several important topics related to substance misuse and addiction issues, including the differences between clinical and forensic substance evaluations. Lorraine explains how a Substance Use Evaluation (SUE) works, the disease elements behind substance use, and the cognitive distortions common in this arena of mental health.  Krista and Lorraine also explore the impact of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) on children, including the effects of divorce but also the effects of addiction, both of which deeply impact kids’ futures. They highlight, though, that there is a lot of reason for hope through stories of people who have chosen to heal and change, acknowledging that while some individuals can overcome these challenges, not everyone does.
For an insightful take on the ripple effects substance use can have on families and children, don’t miss Lorraine Bockman’s expertise on this complicated topic.
 
In this episode, you will hear:
 
Lorraine Bockman’s extensive background working with children and families, which ultimately led her to addiction work
The difference between clinical and forensic evaluations
When a Substance  Use Evaluation (SUE) is most useful
The impact high-conflict relationships can have on substance use evaluations
A consultation in a child custody case versus a complete evaluation
Taking care not to put a parent in the role of “watchdog” over the other parent
How Lorraine creates connections with her clients and her experiences helping clients before they hit “rock bottom”
The behavior stages of change related recovery from addictions
Lorraine’s use of the term “courage” related to substance abuse recovery and the biology underlying a propensity for addiction
Cognitive distortions and their impact on recovery, such as black-and-white thinking
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), including addiction and divorce, and how they impact attachment in children
Measuring relapse
The hope Lorraine has to help people get better
 
Resources from this Episode
 
Comprehensive Addiction Solutions: addictionsolutionsllc.com
15 Cognitive Distortions and How to Challenge These Negative Thoughts: www.goodrx.com/health-topic/mental-health/cognitive-distortions
The Stages of Change Model of Overcoming Addiction: www.verywellmind.com/the-stages-of-change-model-of-overcoming-addiction-21961
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs): my.clevelandclinic.org/health/symptoms/24875-adverse-childhood-experiences-ace
www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com
All states have different laws; be sure you are checking out your state laws specifically surrounding divorce. Krista is a licensed attorney in Colorado and Wyoming but is not providing through this podcast legal advice. Please be sure to seek independent legal counsel in your area for your specific situation. 
Follow and Review:
We’d love for you to follow us if you haven’t yet. Click that purple '+' in the top right corner of your Apple Podcasts app. We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.
Episode Credits
If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

022: The Family Court Fix: Improving Family Court Justice with Fran Fontana

Too often, family courts focus on viewing cases through a typical civil court lens rather than considering the children and families who need nuanced solutions that best preserve coparenting and meet specific needs of specific children. Typical courts that rotate judges and have little background in these nuances often fail to meet such needs, leading to debate about whether dedicated family courts can serve families and children better.
On this episode of Children First Family Law, Krista sits down with Fran Fontana, an attorney and thought leader in Colorado who is a thought leader in the dedicated family court debate. Fran brings significant authority to the conversation, including serving on the Colorado Supreme Court Standing Committee on Family Issues, where conversations are occurring regarding how best to meet the unique needs of family law cases. Fran is a past chair of the Family Law Section of the Colorado Bar Association, past president of the Colorado Chapter of the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC), and a former Domestic Violence Task Force member. She also serves as a Peer Professionalism Assistance Group member to encourage professionalism amongst attorneys across all disciplines.
Krista and Fran’s conversation touches on many issues facing family courts, including the lack of problem-solving between attorneys in family law cases. Fran shares the work her Peer Professionalism Assistance Group is doing to help attorneys manage conflict and identify cases that need faster intervention. She is a strong advocate for a court system that meets people where they are, which has led her to work to make changes in Colorado toward a better approach Having worked for decades as an attorney in hundreds of family law cases, Fran also shares her insights on the negative impact divorce has on children and parents and what her dream court model would look like. Finally, she shares with Krista how conflict manifests in children and discusses how good problem-solving techniques between attorneys and parents can benefit kids, helping parents navigate divorce in a far more healthy way.
 
Keeping kids front and center in a divorce can help create the best outcomes for them, and Fran Fontana has spent her career making children and families a priority. Don’t miss this episode for a peek into the future of Colorado family courts and how a dedicated family court can be a picture nationally and internationally of how to help children flourish despite divorce by fixing the divorce court itself
In this episode, you will hear:
Fran Fontana’s proactive path to family law and her varied career experiences
The use of “custody” when discussing parenting time and assignment of parental responsibilities and the negative connotations “custody” evokes 
The importance of identifying cases that need intervention faster and creating better outcomes for families
Reasons why family courts need to meet people where they are and recognize the nuanced issues that impact families and in particular children
Fran’s work to make changes in family courts in Colorado and how problem-solving has evolved from earlier in her career
Why advocating isn’t the same as problem-solving
The divorce industry’s negative impact on children and families
Fran’s dream court model and what she proposes for better family outcomes
 
Resources from this Episode
www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com
All states have different laws; be sure you are checking out your state laws specifically surrounding divorce. Krista is a licensed attorney in Colorado and Wyoming but is not providing through this podcast legal advice. Please be sure to seek independent legal counsel in your area for your specific situation. 
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Episode Credits
If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

021: Part 2: Leading Research on Better Ways to Approach Alcohol & Drug Misuse and Child Custody

Maintaining a child’s attachment to a parent with substance abuse issues can be a complex path to navigate. With advice from experts and keeping the child’s best interests first and foremost, parents and courts can successfully co-parent and maintain a healthy parent-child relationship.
This episode of Children First Family Law is part two of Krista’s two-part series on navigating substance misuse issues alongside co-parenting in a divorce situation. While citing the research and expertise of  Dr. Stephanie Tabashnecke, Krista highlights the vulnerability of children in a family law case when a parent is struggling with substance abuse. She shares the underlying causes of this disorder and why understanding it can help both parents cope while keeping the child’s best interests at the forefront of their co-parenting conversations. You’ll hear why relapse is an expected part of struggling with this disorder, the top ten myths surrounding substance abuse, and how disrupting a child’s attachment to a caregiver can impact their lifelong health. Krista explains how to set up a treatment plan that continues communication with the child, the importance of using a trauma-informed approach, and her top ten tips for judges and attorneys handling cases involving parents with substance abuse issues.
Understanding the science at play behind a substance abuse disorder can help guide parents to a solution that benefits parents and child and ensures the child’s needs are met throughout the process. Don’t miss this deep dive into the science and expertise to guide you through the complexities of a substance abuse disorder.
In this episode, you will hear:
Leading current thoughts on the nuances of dealing with sobriety issues of parents in family law cases, considering strongly safety of children while balancing attachment needs of children
Input from leading experts such as Dr. Stephanie Tabashneck, leading Harvard psychologist and lawyer, who provides background insight to help family court professionals and parents navigate this challenging area 
The vulnerability of children in a substance abuse situation and the lines of protection the court and attorneys may invoke
Understanding the underlying factors that can trigger a substance abuse disorder and the consensus in the medical and scientific communities to treat them as chronic conditions
Relapse is part of a substance abuse disorder, and improper treatment, stress, and unmanaged co-occurring conditions can increase relapse risk
Finding strategies to meet the attachment needs of children and avoiding overreaction to relapse
The 10 myths surrounding substance abuse and the factors that increase a predisposition to addiction
Seeking a dopamine “hit” and the impact substances can have on the dopamine baseline
Role of genetics in substance abuse
Attachment in children and the impact messaging can have on that attachment, especially as it relates to substance abuse
Creating treatment plans that work for families logistically and financially and the components of a good treatment plan
The Optimal Parenting Time Decision Tree criteria used by professionals to evaluate optimal parenting time
Assessments, testing for alcohol and drug use, and questions to consider
Having a plan in place in the event of a relapse with specificity and creating a parent plan for this scenario
The impact on child attachment when completely removing a caregiver from their lives and mitigating this issue
Using a trauma-informed approach for the parent experiencing substance abuse
The top 10 tips for judges and attorneys in cases involving parents with substance abuse
Resources from this Episode
Children First Family Law: www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com
American Society of Addiction Medicine: www.asam.org
Center for Disease Control and Prevention: www.cdc.gov
Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University: www.developingchild.harvard.edu
Guidelines for Court Practices for Supervised Visitation:
www.mass.gov/files/documents/2018/11/29/supervised-visitation-guidelinesfinal%20%281%29.pdf
National Association for Children of Addiction: www.nacoa.org
National Institute on Drug Abuse: www.drugabuse.gov
National Institute of Mental Health: www.nimh.nih.gov
Ruth Potee, M.D.: www.ruthpotee.com
Smart Recovery: www.smartrecovery.org
Standards for Supervised Visitation Practice: www.svnworldwide.org/attachments/standards.pdf
Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration: www.samhsa.gov
Substance use and parenting: Best practices for family court practitioners: www.afccnet.org/LinkClick.aspx?fileticket=-RkXrNzIkr8%3d&portalid=0
Tabashneck, S., Drozd, L. & Soilson, J. (in press), Substance Use Disorders: A Primer for Family Dispute Resolution Practitioners, book chapter: The Family Dispute Resolution Handbook. (editors: P. Salem, & K. Brown-Olson) https://global.oup.com/academic/product/family-dispute-resolution-9780197545904?cc=us&lang=en&
This Naked Mind: thisnakedmind.com
All states have different laws; be sure you are checking out your state laws specifically surrounding divorce. Krista is a licensed attorney in Colorado and Wyoming but is not providing through this podcast legal advice. Please be sure to seek independent legal counsel in your area for your specific situation. 
Follow and Review:
We’d love for you to follow us if you haven’t yet. Click that purple '+' in the top right corner of your Apple Podcasts app. We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.
Episode Credits
If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

020: Alcohol, Drugs & Other Addictions in Child Custody: The Traditional Approach

Substance abuse is often used as a weapon in family court, even when there isn’t a significant problem. Courts have several ways of handling this issue, and each method can have long-term implications.
In this episode of Children First Family Law, Krista explores how family courts determine whether a parent is safe with a child. She outlines her experiences with families dealing with these scenarios, implementing advice and expertise from psychologist and attorney Dr. Stephanie Tabashneck. Two previous podcast episodes, with guests Cheryl and Mike, explore both parenting sides of this situation.
Krista offers an outline of the tools the court can use to evaluate a substance abuse issue and any additional risk factors. You’ll also hear the 10 factors the DSM-5 defines substance abuse. Together, these tools help attorneys and courts form parenting time recommendations.
Substance abuse in a divorce scenario can be complicated. This episode is a guide for navigating substance abuse while keeping children’s best interests at the forefront.
In this episode, you will hear:
Substance abuse—primarily alcohol—is a chronic issue in family court, requiring assessments of handling approaches, their implications, and parental safety.
Krista’s experiences working with families in these situations and the expert advice she receives from attorney and psychologist Dr. Stephanie Tabashneck
The tools used by courts when a child’s safety is an immediate concern
Why courts are sometimes hesitant to restrict legal substance use entirely 
Direct testing methods like Soberlink or BACtrack, urine analysis, hair follicle, and nail testing
Substance Use Evaluation (SUE) involves an in-depth assessment conducted by a highly qualified professional with a strong background in addiction counseling, psychology, social work, or a related field.
Psychological testing in conjunction with a Substance Use Evaluation
A sample of questions you can expect from a Substance Use Evaluator (SUE) and the background information included
Substance Abuse Subtle Screening Inventory (SASSI) evaluations and its insight into a person’s potential proclivity for substance abuse
DSM-5’s definition of substance abuse and substance abuse disorders and the required criteria
The 10 factors used to diagnose a substance abuse disorder according to the DSM-5
Dimensions to evaluate for level of care decisions and what to look for in the evaluator’s report
Recommendations following a Substance Use Evaluation (SUE) based on the results and when these evaluations are needed
Resources from this Episode
www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com
Soberlink Remote Alcohol Monitoring | Improving Lives
BACtrack | The Leader in Breathalyzers
Home www.NAADAC.org
Adult SASSI-4 | The SASSI Institute
Alcohol Use Disorders Identification Test (AUDIT)
Michigan Alcohol Screening Test (MAST)
5280 Drug Testing - 5280 Drug Testing, Greenwood Village, CO
Drug Testing - Precise Monitoring
ASAM - American Society of Addiction Medicine
SAMHSA - Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM5).
American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – Fifth Edition (DSM-5) defines a Substance Use Disorder based on using the criteria below. If, in the previous 12 months, an individual was identified as meeting 2-3 of the criteria they would have a mild disorder; meeting 4-5 criteria would equal a moderate disorder; and meeting 6 or more criteria would indicate a severe disorder. If the individual had previously met the criteria for a Substance Use Disorder, and none of the criteria have been met in the last three months, but less than 12 months, the diagnosis would be considered “In Early Remission.” If the individual had previously met the criteria for a Substance Use Disorder, and none of the criteria have been met in the previous 12 months, the diagnosis would be considered “In Sustained Remission."
Substance is often taken in larger amounts over longer time period than was intended
Persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control substance use
Great deal of time spent in activities necessary to obtain, use, or recover from its effects
Craving, or a strong desire or urge to use the substance
Recurrent use resulting in failure to fulfill major role obligations at work, school, or home 
Continued use despite persistent or recurrent social or interpersonal problems caused or exacerbated by the effects of the substance use
Important social, occupational, or recreational activities are given up or reduced
Recurrent use in physically hazardous situations   
Continued use despite knowledge of having a persistent recurrent physical or psychological problem that is likely to have been caused or exacerbated by substance use 
Tolerance as defined by:                      
A need for markedly increased amounts to achieve intoxication or desired effect
A markedly diminished effect with continued use of the same amount of substance
Withdrawal, as manifested by either of the following:
The characteristic withdrawal syndrome for the substance  
The substance, or a closely related substance is taken to relieve or avoid withdrawal symptoms
All states have different laws; be sure you are checking out your state laws specifically surrounding divorce. Krista is a licensed attorney in Colorado and Wyoming but is not providing through this podcast legal advice. Please be sure to seek independent legal counsel in your area for your specific situation. 
Follow and Review:
We’d love for you to follow us if you haven’t yet. Click that purple '+' in the top right corner of your Apple Podcasts app. We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.
Episode Credits
If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.