Children First Family Law - Transforming how families navigate the challenging landscape of divorce.

025: “Family” Restructuring Post-Divorce with Dr. Premela Deck

When a divorce or separation occurs, despite the complicated emotions that accompany it, a family remains a family.
 
On this episode of Children First Family Law, Krista sits down with Dr. Premela Deck, a Boston-area family law attorney and forensic social worker with a Ph.D. in her field who is creating innovative solutions to integrate law and social work to help children and parents navigate conflict amid family law disputes. As an attorney, Dr. Deck is a family law litigator, mediator, parenting coordinator, and guardian ad litem. As a mental health professional, she primarily serves as a custody evaluator, parenting coach, and therapist for high-conflict families, couples, or individuals caught up in family situations. She also has a unique practice that allows for deep coparenting and therapeutic intervention to help improve outcomes for kids and parents going through divorce.
 
During their conversation, Krista and Dr. Deck explore the important work Dr. Deck is doing in her practice. She shares what her early work for the city of Boston taught her about mental health considerations in court settings, leading her into social work/law integration. You’ll hear the unwillingness professionals often have to work in forensic mental health and the difficulties faced when trying to limit therapeutic options to those covered by health insurance as they require a diagnosis that often is not possible or warranted.. Dr. Deck explains the difference in language attorneys and mental health professionals use and the importance of bridging that gap for families. You’ll hear about therapeutic jurisprudence and reforming the law based on understanding mental health, Dr. Deck’s unique practice of blending law and mental health resources, and the nationally available programs she uses to help with high-conflict co-parenting. Finally, Krista and Dr. Deck discuss building a foundation of respect between co-parents, the nuanced approach Dr. Deck recommends for parent-child contact problems, and the importance of handling conflict in a healthy way for the benefit of children.
 
Creating a healthy co-parenting dynamic is possible, but it requires work from both parties. Dr. Premela Deck lays out her unique methodology to help parents find common ground for the benefit of their children.
 
In this episode, you will hear:
 
Dr. Premela Deck’s law and social work background and how she ultimately pulled the two disciplines together with her Ph.D. and now with her unique practice with options available across state lines
The need for mental health considerations in family court, similar to what Dr. Deck saw in her early work condemning homes of hoarders
Realizing these legal challenges need delicate care that considers the mental health of individuals, leading her into social work/law integration
The serious challenge of so few mental health professionals going into the area of helping families embroiled in family court conflict
The limitations of seeking only  insurance-covered mental health options in family law dynamics
Language differences between attorneys and mental health professionals and the need for a bridge between disciplines to help families
The concept of therapeutic jurisprudence and reforming the law by understanding mental health
Dr. Deck’s unique practice that blends law and mental health resources, including multi-faceted family therapy, group and private parent coaching, and co-parenting restructuring
Nationally available programs offered by Dr. Deck to help with high-conflict coparenting
The importance of a foundation of respect when parents begin this therapeutic work
Taking a nuanced approach to parent-child contact problems and Dr. Deck’s steps for this process
Dr. Deck’s model for this type of practice
The risk to children when parents fight and have poor co-parenting dynamics
Handling conflict in a healthy manner for the benefit of the children
Grasping that there is a duality in cases and ensuring goals are working in tandem
Dr. Deck’s postdoc program with a focus on family law dynamics, which is the only one of its kind in the country
 
Resources from this Episode
sdfsmass.com
sdfsmass.com/blog
www.premeladeck.com
www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com
All states have different laws; be sure you are checking out your state laws specifically surrounding divorce. Krista is a licensed attorney in Colorado and Wyoming but is not providing through this podcast legal advice. Please be sure to seek independent legal counsel in your area for your specific situation. 
Follow and Review:
We’d love for you to follow us if you haven’t yet. Click that purple '+' in the top right corner of your Apple Podcasts app. We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.
Episode Credits
If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

024: The Benefits of Full-Service Amicable Uncontested Divorce Mediation. How to Save Money, Reduce Stress, and Prioritize Your Family’s Emotional Health During Divorce

It’s no secret that separations and divorces can be stressful, costly, and emotionally exhausting, and finding a solution that works for both parties involved and the children can feel impossible.
On this episode of Children First Family Law, Krista outlines the options available to those seeking a divorce or separation, particularly in Colorado. The choices individuals make in this situation have implications, and Krista shares the potential pitfalls and considerations of each one. These options include handling the separation or divorce without an attorney, hiring an attorney (or two–one for each party), coaching services, mediation, and arbitration. She explains each one’s advantages and disadvantages. Krista offers a unique final solution she developed called an Amicable Uncontested Divorce Solution, in which she works with both co-parents to create customized solutions for their particular scenario. Finally, Krista shares the importance of preserving the co-parenting dynamic to reduce trauma for the involved children. She reveals the 13 steps she uses to determine if a potential client is a good candidate for this solution.
There is a path to a more peaceful separation of co-parents than attorneys on both sides ready for war. Krista’s Amicable Uncontested Divorce Solutions offer the answer you’ve been searching for.
In this episode, you will hear:
The implications of the choices the involved parties make during a divorce or legal separation
Handling a separation or divorce in Colorado without an attorney and potential pitfalls and considerations
Hiring an attorney to handle your case, what to be aware of as you research who to hire, and when you can use one attorney versus two
The importance of prioritizing children during separation—and why many attorneys fail to do so
Investing in a coaching service and key factors to consider when evaluating your options
Krista’s tips for evaluating a mediator to handle a divorce or separation
The pitfalls of mediation and how it can derail a case.
Arbitration’s advantages and disadvantages as an option for handling a divorce or separation
Amicable, Uncontested Divorce Solutions at Children First Family Law tailors benefits for both co-parents seeking customized resolutions.
Minimizing trauma for children while preserving a healthy co-parenting dynamic.
Krista’s 13-step approach to achieving an amicable, uncontested divorce.
Resources from this Episode
www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com
All states have different laws; be sure you are checking out your state laws specifically surrounding divorce. Krista is a licensed attorney in Colorado and Wyoming but is not providing through this podcast legal advice. Please be sure to seek independent legal counsel in your area for your specific situation. 
Follow and Review:
We’d love for you to follow us if you haven’t yet. Click that purple '+' in the top right corner of your Apple Podcasts app. We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.
Episode Credits
If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

023: Addiction Expert Insights: Handling Substance Misuse in Family Law

Substance misuse and abuse is a complex topic, especially in a divorce situation in which children are involved. Today’s guest helps to unravel complexities surrounding addiction issues to help families navigate these complex situations while keeping children’s well-being at the forefront.
 
On this episode of Children First Family Law, Krista sits down with Lorraine Bockman, a licensed clinical social worker and addiction counselor who has worked in the mental health and addiction field for more than 30 years. Lorraine works in private practice in the Denver area, is recognized as a Master Addiction Counselor (MAC) with the National Association of Addiction Counselors (NAAC), and is part of the Association for Addiction Professionals. She has served as a program director, manager, staff developer, and clinician in public and private institutions and has specialized training as a telemental health therapist, interventionist, expert witness, and substance abuse professional.
 
Krista’s conversation with Lorraine covers several important topics related to substance misuse and addiction issues, including the differences between clinical and forensic substance evaluations. Lorraine explains how a Substance Use Evaluation (SUE) works, the disease elements behind substance use, and the cognitive distortions common in this arena of mental health.  Krista and Lorraine also explore the impact of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) on children, including the effects of divorce but also the effects of addiction, both of which deeply impact kids’ futures. They highlight, though, that there is a lot of reason for hope through stories of people who have chosen to heal and change, acknowledging that while some individuals can overcome these challenges, not everyone does.
For an insightful take on the ripple effects substance use can have on families and children, don’t miss Lorraine Bockman’s expertise on this complicated topic.
 
In this episode, you will hear:
 
Lorraine Bockman’s extensive background working with children and families, which ultimately led her to addiction work
The difference between clinical and forensic evaluations
When a Substance  Use Evaluation (SUE) is most useful
The impact high-conflict relationships can have on substance use evaluations
A consultation in a child custody case versus a complete evaluation
Taking care not to put a parent in the role of “watchdog” over the other parent
How Lorraine creates connections with her clients and her experiences helping clients before they hit “rock bottom”
The behavior stages of change related recovery from addictions
Lorraine’s use of the term “courage” related to substance abuse recovery and the biology underlying a propensity for addiction
Cognitive distortions and their impact on recovery, such as black-and-white thinking
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), including addiction and divorce, and how they impact attachment in children
Measuring relapse
The hope Lorraine has to help people get better
 
Resources from this Episode
 
Comprehensive Addiction Solutions: addictionsolutionsllc.com
15 Cognitive Distortions and How to Challenge These Negative Thoughts: www.goodrx.com/health-topic/mental-health/cognitive-distortions
The Stages of Change Model of Overcoming Addiction: www.verywellmind.com/the-stages-of-change-model-of-overcoming-addiction-21961
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs): my.clevelandclinic.org/health/symptoms/24875-adverse-childhood-experiences-ace
www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com
All states have different laws; be sure you are checking out your state laws specifically surrounding divorce. Krista is a licensed attorney in Colorado and Wyoming but is not providing through this podcast legal advice. Please be sure to seek independent legal counsel in your area for your specific situation. 
Follow and Review:
We’d love for you to follow us if you haven’t yet. Click that purple '+' in the top right corner of your Apple Podcasts app. We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.
Episode Credits
If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

022: The Family Court Fix: Improving Family Court Justice with Fran Fontana

Too often, family courts focus on viewing cases through a typical civil court lens rather than considering the children and families who need nuanced solutions that best preserve coparenting and meet specific needs of specific children. Typical courts that rotate judges and have little background in these nuances often fail to meet such needs, leading to debate about whether dedicated family courts can serve families and children better.
On this episode of Children First Family Law, Krista sits down with Fran Fontana, an attorney and thought leader in Colorado who is a thought leader in the dedicated family court debate. Fran brings significant authority to the conversation, including serving on the Colorado Supreme Court Standing Committee on Family Issues, where conversations are occurring regarding how best to meet the unique needs of family law cases. Fran is a past chair of the Family Law Section of the Colorado Bar Association, past president of the Colorado Chapter of the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC), and a former Domestic Violence Task Force member. She also serves as a Peer Professionalism Assistance Group member to encourage professionalism amongst attorneys across all disciplines.
Krista and Fran’s conversation touches on many issues facing family courts, including the lack of problem-solving between attorneys in family law cases. Fran shares the work her Peer Professionalism Assistance Group is doing to help attorneys manage conflict and identify cases that need faster intervention. She is a strong advocate for a court system that meets people where they are, which has led her to work to make changes in Colorado toward a better approach Having worked for decades as an attorney in hundreds of family law cases, Fran also shares her insights on the negative impact divorce has on children and parents and what her dream court model would look like. Finally, she shares with Krista how conflict manifests in children and discusses how good problem-solving techniques between attorneys and parents can benefit kids, helping parents navigate divorce in a far more healthy way.
 
Keeping kids front and center in a divorce can help create the best outcomes for them, and Fran Fontana has spent her career making children and families a priority. Don’t miss this episode for a peek into the future of Colorado family courts and how a dedicated family court can be a picture nationally and internationally of how to help children flourish despite divorce by fixing the divorce court itself
In this episode, you will hear:
Fran Fontana’s proactive path to family law and her varied career experiences
The use of “custody” when discussing parenting time and assignment of parental responsibilities and the negative connotations “custody” evokes 
The importance of identifying cases that need intervention faster and creating better outcomes for families
Reasons why family courts need to meet people where they are and recognize the nuanced issues that impact families and in particular children
Fran’s work to make changes in family courts in Colorado and how problem-solving has evolved from earlier in her career
Why advocating isn’t the same as problem-solving
The divorce industry’s negative impact on children and families
Fran’s dream court model and what she proposes for better family outcomes
 
Resources from this Episode
www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com
All states have different laws; be sure you are checking out your state laws specifically surrounding divorce. Krista is a licensed attorney in Colorado and Wyoming but is not providing through this podcast legal advice. Please be sure to seek independent legal counsel in your area for your specific situation. 
Follow and Review:
We’d love for you to follow us if you haven’t yet. Click that purple '+' in the top right corner of your Apple Podcasts app. We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.
Episode Credits
If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

021: Part 2: Leading Research on Better Ways to Approach Alcohol & Drug Misuse and Child Custody

Maintaining a child’s attachment to a parent with substance abuse issues can be a complex path to navigate. With advice from experts and keeping the child’s best interests first and foremost, parents and courts can successfully co-parent and maintain a healthy parent-child relationship.
This episode of Children First Family Law is part two of Krista’s two-part series on navigating substance misuse issues alongside co-parenting in a divorce situation. While citing the research and expertise of  Dr. Stephanie Tabashnecke, Krista highlights the vulnerability of children in a family law case when a parent is struggling with substance abuse. She shares the underlying causes of this disorder and why understanding it can help both parents cope while keeping the child’s best interests at the forefront of their co-parenting conversations. You’ll hear why relapse is an expected part of struggling with this disorder, the top ten myths surrounding substance abuse, and how disrupting a child’s attachment to a caregiver can impact their lifelong health. Krista explains how to set up a treatment plan that continues communication with the child, the importance of using a trauma-informed approach, and her top ten tips for judges and attorneys handling cases involving parents with substance abuse issues.
Understanding the science at play behind a substance abuse disorder can help guide parents to a solution that benefits parents and child and ensures the child’s needs are met throughout the process. Don’t miss this deep dive into the science and expertise to guide you through the complexities of a substance abuse disorder.
In this episode, you will hear:
Leading current thoughts on the nuances of dealing with sobriety issues of parents in family law cases, considering strongly safety of children while balancing attachment needs of children
Input from leading experts such as Dr. Stephanie Tabashneck, leading Harvard psychologist and lawyer, who provides background insight to help family court professionals and parents navigate this challenging area 
The vulnerability of children in a substance abuse situation and the lines of protection the court and attorneys may invoke
Understanding the underlying factors that can trigger a substance abuse disorder and the consensus in the medical and scientific communities to treat them as chronic conditions
Relapse is part of a substance abuse disorder, and improper treatment, stress, and unmanaged co-occurring conditions can increase relapse risk
Finding strategies to meet the attachment needs of children and avoiding overreaction to relapse
The 10 myths surrounding substance abuse and the factors that increase a predisposition to addiction
Seeking a dopamine “hit” and the impact substances can have on the dopamine baseline
Role of genetics in substance abuse
Attachment in children and the impact messaging can have on that attachment, especially as it relates to substance abuse
Creating treatment plans that work for families logistically and financially and the components of a good treatment plan
The Optimal Parenting Time Decision Tree criteria used by professionals to evaluate optimal parenting time
Assessments, testing for alcohol and drug use, and questions to consider
Having a plan in place in the event of a relapse with specificity and creating a parent plan for this scenario
The impact on child attachment when completely removing a caregiver from their lives and mitigating this issue
Using a trauma-informed approach for the parent experiencing substance abuse
The top 10 tips for judges and attorneys in cases involving parents with substance abuse
Resources from this Episode
Children First Family Law: www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com
American Society of Addiction Medicine: www.asam.org
Center for Disease Control and Prevention: www.cdc.gov
Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University: www.developingchild.harvard.edu
Guidelines for Court Practices for Supervised Visitation:
www.mass.gov/files/documents/2018/11/29/supervised-visitation-guidelinesfinal%20%281%29.pdf
National Association for Children of Addiction: www.nacoa.org
National Institute on Drug Abuse: www.drugabuse.gov
National Institute of Mental Health: www.nimh.nih.gov
Ruth Potee, M.D.: www.ruthpotee.com
Smart Recovery: www.smartrecovery.org
Standards for Supervised Visitation Practice: www.svnworldwide.org/attachments/standards.pdf
Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration: www.samhsa.gov
Substance use and parenting: Best practices for family court practitioners: www.afccnet.org/LinkClick.aspx?fileticket=-RkXrNzIkr8%3d&portalid=0
Tabashneck, S., Drozd, L. & Soilson, J. (in press), Substance Use Disorders: A Primer for Family Dispute Resolution Practitioners, book chapter: The Family Dispute Resolution Handbook. (editors: P. Salem, & K. Brown-Olson) https://global.oup.com/academic/product/family-dispute-resolution-9780197545904?cc=us&lang=en&
This Naked Mind: thisnakedmind.com
All states have different laws; be sure you are checking out your state laws specifically surrounding divorce. Krista is a licensed attorney in Colorado and Wyoming but is not providing through this podcast legal advice. Please be sure to seek independent legal counsel in your area for your specific situation. 
Follow and Review:
We’d love for you to follow us if you haven’t yet. Click that purple '+' in the top right corner of your Apple Podcasts app. We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.
Episode Credits
If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

020: Alcohol, Drugs & Other Addictions in Child Custody: The Traditional Approach

Substance abuse is often used as a weapon in family court, even when there isn’t a significant problem. Courts have several ways of handling this issue, and each method can have long-term implications.
In this episode of Children First Family Law, Krista explores how family courts determine whether a parent is safe with a child. She outlines her experiences with families dealing with these scenarios, implementing advice and expertise from psychologist and attorney Dr. Stephanie Tabashneck. Two previous podcast episodes, with guests Cheryl and Mike, explore both parenting sides of this situation.
Krista offers an outline of the tools the court can use to evaluate a substance abuse issue and any additional risk factors. You’ll also hear the 10 factors the DSM-5 defines substance abuse. Together, these tools help attorneys and courts form parenting time recommendations.
Substance abuse in a divorce scenario can be complicated. This episode is a guide for navigating substance abuse while keeping children’s best interests at the forefront.
In this episode, you will hear:
Substance abuse—primarily alcohol—is a chronic issue in family court, requiring assessments of handling approaches, their implications, and parental safety.
Krista’s experiences working with families in these situations and the expert advice she receives from attorney and psychologist Dr. Stephanie Tabashneck
The tools used by courts when a child’s safety is an immediate concern
Why courts are sometimes hesitant to restrict legal substance use entirely 
Direct testing methods like Soberlink or BACtrack, urine analysis, hair follicle, and nail testing
Substance Use Evaluation (SUE) involves an in-depth assessment conducted by a highly qualified professional with a strong background in addiction counseling, psychology, social work, or a related field.
Psychological testing in conjunction with a Substance Use Evaluation
A sample of questions you can expect from a Substance Use Evaluator (SUE) and the background information included
Substance Abuse Subtle Screening Inventory (SASSI) evaluations and its insight into a person’s potential proclivity for substance abuse
DSM-5’s definition of substance abuse and substance abuse disorders and the required criteria
The 10 factors used to diagnose a substance abuse disorder according to the DSM-5
Dimensions to evaluate for level of care decisions and what to look for in the evaluator’s report
Recommendations following a Substance Use Evaluation (SUE) based on the results and when these evaluations are needed
Resources from this Episode
www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com
Soberlink Remote Alcohol Monitoring | Improving Lives
BACtrack | The Leader in Breathalyzers
Home www.NAADAC.org
Adult SASSI-4 | The SASSI Institute
Alcohol Use Disorders Identification Test (AUDIT)
Michigan Alcohol Screening Test (MAST)
5280 Drug Testing - 5280 Drug Testing, Greenwood Village, CO
Drug Testing - Precise Monitoring
ASAM - American Society of Addiction Medicine
SAMHSA - Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM5).
American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – Fifth Edition (DSM-5) defines a Substance Use Disorder based on using the criteria below. If, in the previous 12 months, an individual was identified as meeting 2-3 of the criteria they would have a mild disorder; meeting 4-5 criteria would equal a moderate disorder; and meeting 6 or more criteria would indicate a severe disorder. If the individual had previously met the criteria for a Substance Use Disorder, and none of the criteria have been met in the last three months, but less than 12 months, the diagnosis would be considered “In Early Remission.” If the individual had previously met the criteria for a Substance Use Disorder, and none of the criteria have been met in the previous 12 months, the diagnosis would be considered “In Sustained Remission."
Substance is often taken in larger amounts over longer time period than was intended
Persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control substance use
Great deal of time spent in activities necessary to obtain, use, or recover from its effects
Craving, or a strong desire or urge to use the substance
Recurrent use resulting in failure to fulfill major role obligations at work, school, or home 
Continued use despite persistent or recurrent social or interpersonal problems caused or exacerbated by the effects of the substance use
Important social, occupational, or recreational activities are given up or reduced
Recurrent use in physically hazardous situations   
Continued use despite knowledge of having a persistent recurrent physical or psychological problem that is likely to have been caused or exacerbated by substance use 
Tolerance as defined by:                      
A need for markedly increased amounts to achieve intoxication or desired effect
A markedly diminished effect with continued use of the same amount of substance
Withdrawal, as manifested by either of the following:
The characteristic withdrawal syndrome for the substance  
The substance, or a closely related substance is taken to relieve or avoid withdrawal symptoms
All states have different laws; be sure you are checking out your state laws specifically surrounding divorce. Krista is a licensed attorney in Colorado and Wyoming but is not providing through this podcast legal advice. Please be sure to seek independent legal counsel in your area for your specific situation. 
Follow and Review:
We’d love for you to follow us if you haven’t yet. Click that purple '+' in the top right corner of your Apple Podcasts app. We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.
Episode Credits
If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

019: Navigating Divorce Through Sobriety - An Addicted Father’s Story

Personal issues such as addiction can jeopardize parental custody, but through hard work, dedication, and earning back trust, it is possible to co-parent with an ex-partner successfully.
On this episode of Children First Family Law, Krista sits down with Mike, a former client and recovering addict who came to Krista for help when his personal issues threatened custody of his baby daughter during his divorce. Mike is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict who worked hard to overcome his struggles, and today, he is successfully sharing custody with his ex-wife.
As Krista and Mike begin their conversation, Mike shares his initial exposure to drugs and alcohol and the role they played in his relationship with his ex-wife as they progressed toward marriage. When Mike’s ex became pregnant with their daughter, Mike hit rock bottom, still trying to convince himself he was fine. Ultimately, he recognized he needed help and entered an in-patient rehab, learning how to be honest with himself and others, and working with his ex in marriage counseling to attempt to save their marriage. When divorce became imminent, Mike moved to Colorado, where his ex had moved with their daughter, and hired Krista to assist him in getting custody of his daughter. With Krista at his side, Mike took proactive steps to earn trust with his ex, incrementally earning more time with his daughter.
Mike’s story is one that many parents can relate to, whether they are the parent struggling with addiction or the parent who needs to trust an ex-partner again. 
In this episode, you will hear:
The background behind Mike’s addiction, how he met his wife in college, and the denial and enabling surrounding his addiction
Evolution of Mike’s alcohol addiction 
Hitting rock bottom and how he convinced himself he was fine
Bringing a child into the mix and realizing he needed help
The inpatient rehab experience, honesty, and an attempt at marriage counseling to save the marriage
Divorce, a move to Colorado, hiring Krista, and getting some hard truths from her about his case
Mike’s proactive approach to gain trust and earn parenting time with his young daughter
The role of shame, kindness, and grace in becoming sober
His advice for dealing with addiction, becoming educated about its impact, healing, and faith
Resources from this Episode
www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com
Soberlink Remote Alcohol Monitoring | Improving Lives
Have a problem with alcohol? There is a solution. | Alcoholics Anonymous
Drug Addicts Anonymous USA - Find a 12 Step Meeting Near you
Amazon.com: Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change (Audible Audio Edition): Randye Kaye, Jeffrey Foote PhD, Carrie Wilkens PhD, Nicole Kosanke PhD, Stephanie Higgs PhD, Tantor Audio: Books
BACtrack | The Leader in Breathalyzers
Annie Grace - This Naked Mind
All states have different laws; be sure you are checking out your state laws specifically surrounding divorce. Krista is a licensed attorney in Colorado and Wyoming but is not providing through this podcast legal advice. Please be sure to seek independent legal counsel in your area for your specific situation. 
Follow and Review:
We’d love for you to follow us if you haven’t yet. Click that purple '+' in the top right corner of your Apple Podcasts app. We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.
Episode Credits
If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

018: Top 10 Things to Do (and Don't Do) When Hiring a Divorce Attorney

Hiring the right attorney in a divorce case involving children can make or break your case. If you hire the wrong one, they could be a big problem.
In this episode of Children First Family Law, Krista offers the 10 dos and don’ts of hiring a divorce attorney. A good attorney should be a peacemaker, not a gladiator, which can foster the destruction of children’s well-being, parents, and individual parties. Toxicity generally isn’t necessary, even in potentially adversarial cases.
Finding amicable solutions for children's best interests is at the heart of this episode. Using Krista’s tips for finding a good divorce attorney, you could avoid a litigious, expensive, and destructive road.
In this episode, you will hear:
The importance of hiring an attorney who is empathetic, warm, likable, and ethical
Krista’s tips for testing the accessibility and responsiveness of an attorney and their team
Ensuring your attorney will be clear and transparent about each step of the process as well as costs
How hiring someone who simplifies the process can save you a lot of money
Why humility is a valuable trait in an attorney
Reputability and its importance in the law community and red flags to consider
The value of an informed individual who is pursuing growth of knowledge and experience
The calming effect of a peacemaker in your corner
What a child-focused attorney can do for you versus one who isn’t
Problem-solving and finding the best solution for all involved parties
 
Resources from this Episode
www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com
All states have different laws; be sure you are checking out your state laws specifically surrounding divorce. Krista is a licensed attorney in Colorado and Wyoming but is not providing through this podcast legal advice. Please be sure to seek independent legal counsel in your area for your specific situation. 
Follow and Review:
We’d love for you to follow us if you haven’t yet. Click that purple '+' in the top right corner of your Apple Podcasts app. We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.
Episode Credits
If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

017: Kayden’s Law, Domestic Violence & Challenges with the Wall Street Journal; Experiences & Insights with Dr. Matthew Sullivan

Don’t miss this episode of Children First Family Law in which Krista speaks with Dr. Matthew Sullivan, an internationally known researcher, speaker, psychologist, and author of two leading books on parental alienation and parent-child contact problems. His work emphasizes solution-driven approaches, providing practical encouragement to improve coparenting dynamics to help children flourish.   Dr. Sullivan is a pioneer in the field, having more than 30 years experience in family dispute resolution and clinical work in the family courts. He served as president of the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts from 2019 to 2020, won its President’s Award in 2023, and was awarded the Meyer Elkin recognition for his powerful work published in the Family Court Review in 2024.
 
Dr. Sullivan, along with prior guest Dr. Michael Saini, together led the “Peace Talks” regarding Kayden’s Law at a major international conference, attempting to bring together what has become at times heated division among professionals as to how to best deal in family courts with important issues of domestic violence and parental alienation. He and Krista discuss at length the dynamics that have created such tension among professionals and his thoughts on how best to move forward productively for the best interests of children.
 
Dr. Sullivan shares his expertise on the variety of approaches courts use to determine best interests of children and discusses his perspective on ways to receive and consider the voices of children in these cases. He also shares why a mental health professional a best interests attorney, and a solutions-oriented judge can create problem-solving magic in cases with complex family dynamics. 
 
In this episode, you will learn about:
Kayden’s Law and the effects the legislation could have
Dr. Sullivan’s experience with the media’s tendency to polarize domestic violence issues as seen by a recent spat with the Wall Street Journal
Advocacy for effective balance of domestic violence reform and its role in parent-child contact problems
Child custody evaluations and the underlying reasons they can fall short
Ways courts approach to determine best interests and consider the voice of children 
The three players who can create a serious problem-solving team when it comes to supporting children during divorce
The importance of getting buy-in from parents to prioritize children in divorce 
The concern of mental health challenges experienced by kids in high-conflict divorce
Thoughts on when therapy is effective and when it’s ineffective
  
Resources from this Episode
Overcoming the Co-Parenting Trap: Essential Parenting Skills When a Child Resists a Parent: www.amazon.com/gp/product/0692407995/ref=sw_img_1?smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER&psc=1
Overcoming the Alienation Crisis: 33 Coparenting Solutions: www.amazon.com/gp/product/1735099406/ref=ewc_pr_img_2?smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER&psc=1
Overcoming Barriers website: overcomingbarriers.org/about-us/mission
Dr. Matthew Sullivan’s website: sullydoc.com
www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com
All states have different laws; be sure you are checking out your state laws specifically surrounding divorce. Krista is a licensed attorney in Colorado and Wyoming but is not providing through this podcast legal advice. Please be sure to seek independent legal counsel in your area for your specific situation. 
Follow and Review:
We’d love for you to follow us if you haven’t yet. Click that purple '+' in the top right corner of your Apple Podcasts app. We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.
Episode Credits
If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.

016: Parent-Child Contact Problems and What to Do: Insights from Clinical Psychologist Dr. Richard Spiegle

In this episode of Children First Family Law, Dr. Richard Spiegle, a renowned clinical and forensic psychologist, joins Krista to share his extensive experience in family law and child advocacy.
With a background in special education and a specialization in forensic psychology, Dr. Spiegle offers a unique perspective on the struggles that arise and the complexities involved in repairing parent-child relationships, emphasizing the need to focus on the importance to the wholeness of the child and his or her future adulthood in repairing relationships with a parent in almost all circumstances. Dr. Speigle explains the critically important view that parents must focus on relationships with children, not just parenting time, and the risk in family court that relational dynamics tend to be lost with an over emphasis on parenting time as the goal.  
Dr. Spiegle sheds light on the evolving landscape of family law, the introduction of new statutes and their impact, and mental health experts' roles in guiding families through crises. He highlights the importance of nurturing open communication and resolution in these delicate situations.
Throughout the episode, Dr. Spiegle relates impactful stories from his career, illustrating the effects of therapeutic interventions on families in distress. From addressing domestic violence to navigating estrangement and mental health issues, he underscores the necessity of creating safe environments for children to express themselves and the need for extremely careful approaches to therapeutic approaches to address parent-child contact problems.
This episode calls for systemic improvement, encouraging professionals to work together to support families and protect vulnerable children.
In this episode, you will hear:
Dr. Richard Spiegle’s take on the complexities of family law and child advocacy
Emotional and academic challenges children face long into adulthood when continued estrangement between a child and parent occurs and is not addressed
Repairing fractured parent-child relationships, focusing on favored and disfavored parent dynamics
The evolving role of mental health experts in family therapy and legal contexts
Challenges of reintegration therapy and supervised parent-child interactions
Addressing the needs and perspectives of children in cases of domestic violence and child abuse
New statutes and their impact on parenting time and decision-making processes in family courts
Resources from this Episode
Dr. Richard Spiegle’s website: psychologistsdenvercolorado.com
www.childrenfirstfamilylaw.com
All states have different laws; be sure you are checking out your state laws specifically surrounding divorce. Krista is a licensed attorney in Colorado and Wyoming but is not providing through this podcast legal advice. Please be sure to seek independent legal counsel in your area for your specific situation. 
Follow and Review:
We’d love for you to follow us if you haven’t yet. Click that purple '+' in the top right corner of your Apple Podcasts app. We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.
Episode Credits
If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Emerald City Productions. They helped me grow and produce the podcast you are listening to right now. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com Let them know we sent you.